I CAN'T FIND MYSELF
"HAVE YOU LOOKED IN THE CLOTHES HAMPER"

When Daughters counsel Mothers

The cup of herbal tea, gently stirred with a slice of lemon and teaspoon of honey was just not cutting the haze of my menopausal funk. And, I was giving no points to the gloriously warm four- colored afghan I had picked up at a Senior Citizen bazaar nicely nestled around me. I was certainly warm and cozy in the afghan, cashmere socked feet tucked tightly beneath me on my satin upholstered settee. However, none of the ambiance of the setting was making a dent in the "I can't find myself anymore" feelings that were overcoming me.

The foreboding feeling had been creeping up on me for days and I had managed to cast it aside because I simply did not have time to deal with it. My schedule at work was hectic and when at home, there was a score of domestic items needing my attention.

But this Sunday morning, it had me by the scruff of my neck. I was sure that my professional career was coming to an end - that I was an impostor and had been nubbing along in my career, not yet found out! I could not seem to perform my daily management role with the same gusto, savvy and general dynamics that had brought me to the top of my trade.

I found myself making excuses about daily exercise and already saw the deterioration in my physique. My mind was rushing ahead to the spring shopping season, hoping that longer sleeve dresses were "in" so that I could effectively disguise the fact that I truly had inherited my mother's flabby arms. And, I was scanning the checkbook to see was the last time I paid the hairdresser for the "highlights" in my hair - noting the increased frequency.

Yes, I was moving right along in the journey of menopause and I was being lost somewhere within the range of hormones, bone density and irritability!

I needed a support system and as if I had snapped my fingers to have my wish granted, the phone rang. I answered it with a light tone to my voice to disguise my despair. "Hello" I said jubilantly. "Good Morning Mother" my daughter Bethany said. She paused. She continued with "What's Wrong"?

How could she sense something was wrong when I was being perfectly energizing I wondered. Oh well, more proof that I was slipping and the world was my showroom.

"Nothing is wrong," I countered. "Come on Mother", my daughter said. "I know you and you can talk to me". I closed my eyes and visualized my beautiful thirty one year old daughter sitting in front of a makeshift desk with a sign above her that said "Psychic readings 5 cents". I could feel the warmth of her supportive voice coming through the phone like the heat that comes off of a freshly baked cinnamon role - delicious. I gave in and said, "I feel overwhelmed by my life - I am losing my edge, I can't find myself".

"Have you looked in the clothes hamper" she responded. Bolts of stinging heat struck my light sensitive hazel green eyes and I felt my heart skip a beat... annoyance at my daughter rising above my motherliness.

"What kind of insensitive remark is that" I retorted. "It is meant to get you out of your self imposed funk Mother - you aren't lost, you are just in need of a good scrubbing!" my physic said. She went on - Your life is changing and it has caught you off guard. You aren't ready for the changes and while you want to control all that is happening, a great deal is out of your control. Have I ever mentioned what a control freak you are Mother"? She didn't need to remind me of that - I already had all of the tests that clearly identified me as a Type A, Control, and "Run the show" personality.

"Mother", she went on. "This is a temporary thing - a woman thing" "I have been watching you perform in your career and at home and you have had slumps before, but you always rise above it. You go back to the drawing board and make slight adjustments to get back on track and you come out ahead time after time. It's why you are my role model."

Well, I told myself that was good, very good. In fact, it was probably better than the 5 cents she was charging. And, more importantly, she was right. I had been in this same place before prodding myself on and the only difference now is that I have "life changes", menopause, joining me in the journey for perfection.

"Hmmm" I said. "Interesting how you, the daughter, have done such an effective job of counseling me, the mother". "Quite a gift I would say", I offered. "Mom, the wise daughter said, you are the gift." "I will call a bit later, after you have changed the bed linens, cooked a fantastic dinner and written your latest sales bulletin to check in". "Have a great day". And, I did.